GP: How much do you drink?
Me: A glass here and there.
GP: How much did you drink last week?
Me: I haven't had a drink since September.
GP (said with very real concern): Do you have any friends?
Me: Yes?
Circa 2010, Phone Call With Consultant to correct information in a letter
Consultant: How much do you drink?
Me: I have a glass here and there?
Consultant: How much did you drink last month?
Me: Three glasses of wine.
Consultant: You don't drink.
Circa 2011
GP (filling in request for x-ray): You don't really drink.
Me: No.
I'm glad we've finally clarified that point.
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