Unexpected Rules: A Conversation With the GP

Circa January 2009:

GP: How much do you drink?

Me: A glass here and there.

GP: How much did you drink last week?

Me: I haven't had a drink since September.

GP (said with very real concern): Do you have any friends?

Me: Yes?

Circa 2010, Phone Call With Consultant to correct information in a letter

Consultant: How much do you drink?

Me: I have a glass here and there?

Consultant: How much did you drink last month?

Me: Three glasses of wine.

Consultant: You don't drink.

Circa 2011

GP (filling in request for x-ray): You don't really drink.

Me: No.

I'm glad we've finally clarified that point.

My Bologna Has A First Name: It's T-U-R-K-E-Y

Early last week, Mrs. AmericanEnglandStyle sent me a text saying that she'd discovered bologna in the aisles of her local grocery store. I didn't believe her. Mrs. AmericanEnglandStyle has been in the country for almost a decade. I've got five years behind me, and between my American-expat friends, we've probably spent a century at our local grocer's. Collectively, we've spent many hours sampling food we've never heard of and buying new-to-us foods. I simply did not believe Mrs. AmericanEnglandStyle. I thought perhaps that she'd forgotten exactly what bologna tastes like.

So when I went to visit Mrs. AmericanEnglandStyle she produced the above packet. Remind me to never ever again doubt her word. I have never liked bologna (although my sisters maybe inclined toward correcting that statement). As it turns out, I still don't like bologna. And Turkey Ham is, let me assure you,tastes like bologna. And it has the texture of wafer sliced, well, bologna. Suffice it to say, I may sing the Oscar Mayer Bologna song, but I wont be eating it any time soon.

I will however be eating many yummy things when I'm at home. Take note my sisters, I need some food.

1. Mexican Food (Colorado version)
2. Tostitos, Fritos, and corn nuts, Doritos--You can get Doritos here. They're good, but not the same.
3. jalapenos--the fresh variety.
4. Life Cereal
5. Clam Chowder
6.bbq beef
7. A steak that is actually rare.
8. Corn bread.
9. Wintergreen lifesavers.
10. Root beer
11. Bratwurst (by which I mean the American version)
12. Grilled corn on the cob
13. Corn on the cob.
14. Watermelon (you can get it here, but yuck)
15. Meatloaf.
16. Pancakes, maple syrup, bacon and american breakfast sausage.
17. EasyCheese. (I suspect I will think this is gross after one squeeze, but yum)
18. French Toast (I can get and make this here. I just don't want to call it eggy-bread).
19.Lox and Bagels.
20. A reuben sandwhich.
21. BlueCheese dressing.
24. An American Style salad.
25. Something deep fried with Ranch dressing.
26. Fried Chicken.
27. Sloppy Joes
28. Grilled Cheese (Yes it is different than cheese on toast.
29. A BLT wish crispy bacon. (I know I say streaky bacon is the same, but it isn't).
30. Waffle for breakfast.
31. A sausage and green olive pizza.
32. Sopaipillas



I'll think of more before I get there, I'm sure.

Biscuits and Biscuits and Scones

We all know about the confusion. When American's say chips, they mean crisps. When Americans say fries, they mean crisps. When the English say American chips, they mean fast food french fries. When the English say American biscuits, they mean cookies.

When Americans say biscuits, they mean the above. American Biscuits are very similar to scones in that they're easy to make, flaky, and often circular. However, American Biscuits are savory where scones are sweet. American biscuits are poor food, where scones require a bigger pocket book.  American biscuits are meant to fill out a meal, where scones are meant to be eaten between meals. Most imporatantly, adding dried fruit to American biscuits is a most disgusting idea, while they're a perfectly acceptable addition to biscuits.

The major difference between the two is the use of creme and eggs in scones, giving them a richer taste and a heavier texture. While I love my scones a little too much, I've been craving American food an awful lot lately.

I've spent the last year telling you all how little I miss from home. But I bought a plane ticket a few weeks ago, and I'll be visiting the States and my family for two weeks this spring. It's been four years since I've been back to the US and just as long since I've seen my family. This event more than anything else in the last five years has led to a generalized desire for the things I cannot have. Later this week, I'll tell you what all I intend to eat while I wander around the streets of America.

More than one child in the West Country is still missing. Among them is James Bubear. It is becoming more and more difficult to keep his name in the news. If you would please, click on the badge above and list your support for his family on the Find James Bubear Facebook page. James is a first year student at my Alma Mater. His family and friends are desperate to bring him home.

Things I Miss From Home--Tootsie Rolls

After five years in England, it is reasonably rare that I crave anything that I can't get my hands on here. The problem did present itself more frequently in 2010 than it did in 2009. Since I can now speak to my family via video conference, I can also see things I had completely forgotten. Still, I can usually find or make the things that I see. Sun tea in my sister's glass--check. Cornbread--almost check. Jalapenos--close to check. Half-and-half--check.

I did spend most of last year looking at a giant box of Tootsie Rolls on the shelves behind my father's head. Each week, he'd offer to send me some. Each week, I told him not to bother. Sweets (candy) are heavy and therefore expensive to send. Besides, in between phone calls, I would completely forget about them. This Christmas, Dad and his wife sent me a whole box. There are only a few left. I'm pretty sure I have to share them.

Pickled What? Part II

The grocery store aisles are too narrow for me to get the whole shelf. But that's two rows of beetroot and three rows of onions, all pickled. The yellow jars to the left are Piccalilli. It's apparently widely consumed in the states as well, but I had never seen it before moving to England. Just below that is Pickle. That's relish in American. To the right are bottles of malted vinegar which is proof that the universe loves me. There is nothing better to put on chips (fries), as a flavoring for crisps (chips), or as a replacement for ranch dressing. Ranch dressing is very hard to come by in England.

Pickled What?

The English like their pickled food. A selection from today's shop: Pickled onion, pickled beetroot, pickled gherkins (pickles), pickled red cabbage, pickled walnut, pickled onions, pickled trotters, pickled chicken eggs, picked hot peppers, pickled quail eggs, pickled shallots, pickled baby corn.

Fabulous Things About England #11

Nutella, the makers of the chocolate sandwich. I know that you can get it in the States, but it isn't a way of life there. It's a perfectly acceptable lunch here. And nutritionally, it gives peanut butter a run for its money.

4. Jam, Jelly, Preserves

The English call Jell-o, jelly. Jam is used to describe both what Americans refer to as jelly and jam. Luckily, its easy enough to tell which you're buying through the glass jar.

3. Temperature

The English use the Celsius scale.

F C
0.....-17
10.. -12
20.. -6
32....0
40....4
50....10
60....15
70....21
80....26
90....32
100..37
250..121
300..148
350..176
375..190
400..204
425..218
450..232
475..246
500..260
525..273

2.

Ovens are called cookers in some parts of England, and stoves are often called hobs.